aLiCia fOo SimIN

Things are so much overwhelming for me.
What are the things that are overwhelming me with emotions of fear and anger?

In my love department, will not things ever go well.
I always tell myself "If I do not try, I willl never know"
But everytime I try, he will be gone....
This is getting too tiring for me, and its bringing me down lower in self esteem.

The reality sucks !!!! It sure does .....
Its just me I guess. *crying*

How am I to carry on??? In front, my face can be happy but I know that I am feeling very terrible inside. I dunno how to tell myself that there is still hope and that there is someone for me. Yes, anyone who is sane will say that I am being very stupid or might feel that I am being very emotional. Getting myself into unnecessary hurt.

Yes I am. I choose to get into such mess emotionally and dunno how to get out of it ....
He will not know I am emotionally messy, so that explains my stupidity.
Its so real !!!!

Thanks for Elizabeth, I am encouraged ....
She shared the reality with me, but she chooses to believe in God.
God who knows her, who knows her heart desire.
She has a deep desire also, but its not being satisfy.
Although we are put into different situations, God is there .
She cannot see any light in front of her .... and that's the reality.
Her hope comes from God.

I once have my hope on God, but the reality puts me down and its so difficult to look up to God again. With my brains and common sense and eyes I cannot see anything in front of me.
God what can u do to comfort me ???? I think what I need most is comfort.
Not a someone, but comfort .....

Comfort and then maybe hope might surface ....

Posted by aLiCIa fOo sImIn at 9:02 AM | Permalink | Comments

Posted by aLiCIa fOo sImIn at 10:12 PM | Permalink | Comments

Completed my last paper on the 31st May'07.
Have mixed feelings-
Sense of Joy and relief:
I can comfortably address myself as a social worker.
Dun have to worry about financial constraints every month. Able to contribute to my parents and start doing what makes me happy.

however, there are also

Sense of fear and lost:
Then I ask myself what makes me happy?
What do I wan to do?
Actually all questions boils down to what's my passion ?

Ever since I completed by last assignment, I have been thinking what to do with myself.
Now I have all the time in the world to choose what I wan to do.

For those who know me, I always have a passion for dancing because I believe what's inside you is what comes out. Dance requires a large amount of movements and facial expression. So for those who are musicians and performers might be more emotional and expressive in their love language.

My four years of studies have allowed me to see the areas of the world that are imperfect. God has shown me so much sufferings and needs of his people, and it all begins at home. Sometimes being a developed country isn't as luxurious as it seems to be. In fact, life is more difficult in a developed country, as there is a constant struggle to stay alive in the high standard of living. 'No money, No talk, No life'. But in a developing country, life is difficult but the difficulties are minimial, it seldom leads to someone constantly thinking of taking their lives. Turn over the newspaper, which country of people suicide and goes into depression more often? Is it those living with the cows and padi fields, or those trying to stay afloat while chasing the materials of the world and making sure they get the status to reflect they led a successful life.?

There are periods in the four years which I hardened my heart towards these needs and cries. In another words, I got so immune and cynical with all problems that I dun feel anything at all. However, each time I return to God's prescence, tears just rolled down my cheeks because my heart is so heavy and flashes of the needy people appear in my mind. The compassionate and meek me has been blinded by the ugly facts and reality of this world. The world of deceit and lies, pride and skeptism, cynicalism and fear. However, my harden heart, skeptical and cynical mind broke down in the prescence of God. God always reminds me of His Love, His Grace and Mercy. He is the one for me to be compassionate and meek, because Love exists as God exists. Dun be deceived, I am referring to God's love, because only His Love is perfect. It is from his love that you'll find strength and willingness to do what you are doing right now. Unless you believe in God, U believe that Love exists.

God always brings me back to him, so that I can believe in Love once again.
Love unveils my compassionate and meekness towards his people.
Control my irrational and harsh reactions
Love gives me time to think and subsequently the wisdom of God helps me to choose
Though my choices are foolish to the world
God always tells me that His Love is enuff to cover all my foolishness and turn them to a beautiful future.

God is Faithful, when I was faithless.


Having to experience the skills and knowledge was a bonus to me, however without God, it is meaningless for me to carry on in this area of work. There will be nothing for me to believe that my struggles with the pay and relationships with the people are all worth it. God knows my weakness, and he strengthens me with his words of love and truth in a gentle voice.

I am trying to keep a prayerful heart because I am lost once again.
Let's pray .......

Posted by aLiCIa fOo sImIn at 7:02 PM | Permalink | Comments

Ever since I started working back at SGH, I feel that I am missing a lot of things that have been planned for me outside of SGH. This feeling has made me become half hearted in doing my work. As I question myself 'what am I doing here?', I get more frustrated and irritated with myself. I feel like crying but I dun think anyone is able to understand why is that so. It is because looking at things realistically and practically, there is nothing lacking in my life right now. In fact, my choice seems to give me a better career advance and also I have made that choice. So if it makes me feel uncomfortable, then change.

Then this leads me to talk about 'Making Decisions'in life.
'It is easier said than done.' especially when you grow older in life.
I am not sure bout others, but I discover myself that there are so much factors to consider and to plan ahead of. So afraid to face with the consequences.

I do not dare to complain or talk about my work recently, because this is the choice I made.
However honestly as I work everyday, I feel so zombified and bored. Everything's the same, nothing has changed. But I am not enjoying my work anymore.
Everytime I will say to myself: "There it goes again". My attitude sucks and I hate myself for being this way. It is because I hate to complain and not doing anything to resolve it. Just like I often share with my friends, " If you dun like what you doing, change to something esle. Dun try to remain but complain and affect those who enjoy their work and try to perserve and learn in their work." Right now I guess I have to ask myself this question. Maybe the problem lies with me ....


Is it time for a change? But if I change , I will lose some. But if I dun change, m not giving myself a try.

When come to making decisions, there is often a choice.
Sometimes there are choices for the better, but there will be choices for the worst too.
Sometimes you might meet with good choices for both,
'LUCKY YOU'
but there is time for everything,
so dun be frustrated when both choices are for the worst too.
Lets handle matters rationally and with steadiness
But I understand it is often more easy said than done
Because my fear or anger, rushed to my head
Feeling and afraid and angry are normal
Most importantly it is to TRUST GOD
Make a choice & learn to bear the consequences of the choice.
Only by TRUSTING GOD,
Then will I have assurance to go through the choices whether for better or worst
It is only when I TRUST GOD, then even when the choice might seem ridicule to the world,
God will be with me to go through it and He has a purpose for me.

Alright enuff for today.
*Lights out*

Posted by aLiCIa fOo sImIn at 7:13 AM | Permalink | Comments

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Posted by aLiCIa fOo sImIn at 6:57 AM | Permalink | Comments

I have so much to I would like to express. But it has been too much so I decided to post this song as the lyrics once again illustrate my feelings and thoughts.

(Thanks Cheryl for sharing this song with me)

Better Together Lyrics

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? and where do we go?
And how come we're so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together


[Chorus:]
MMM its always better when we're together
Look at the stars when we're together
Its always better when we're together
Yeah, its always better when we're together


And all of these moments
Just might find there way into my dreams tonight
But I know that theyll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things
But tomorrow night you see
That theyll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find there way
Into my day to day scene
Ill be under the impression
I was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We'll Sit beneath the mango tree


Its always better when we're together
Somewhere in between together
Its always better when we're together
Yeah, its always better when we're together


MMmmmm MMMmmmm Mmmmmm
I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is no time,
And there is no song I could sing
And there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together.

I really wish someone might be able to sing this song to me, specially to me on the Acroutic guitar one day.
If I brush up on my guitar skills, I wish to sing and play this song to someone too.

I really appreciate this song because it reminds me of what God says,
(not exactly what's said in the bible), but something like that,

"No one lives alone. Everyone needs someone to believe in them to make decisions in life and do what he/she is/will be doing.. That's why God encourages his children to come together. Not only to pray but to do things together so that his children can learn to grow in love with one. There's another saying- Two heads are better than one.
Similarly this song writes about how much it so much better to be together."

Posted by aLiCIa fOo sImIn at 8:06 PM | Permalink | Comments

Interesting party a! This is the Fancy Party at Beyond. Aren't the peopl gorgous and farnie. They are really cool and serious about the party.
This is the most interesting Christmas Party I have attended so far. HAHAH!!!


Anyway, this Christmas I want to Thank God that the performance went really well. The children were nervous but they were cool and steady knowing that they have to complete the dance in the best manner to the crowd. I am so proud of them and I am sure God is pleased with them.

Thank God for bringing my parents back home safely from their 'honeymoon'.

I have so much more to write but will stop for now because my mind is wondering away and eyes are lighting out.

Posted by aLiCIa fOo sImIn at 8:03 AM | Permalink | Comments

It is the end of my internship at Beyond.
Sigh..... I am missing the place and especially my supervisior.
Although he does not bother me and gives me the freedom to do all things, sometimes I do wish he can be a little more active in supervision with me.
Anyway my time at Beyond is up and right now it shall be back to the hospital and return to my formal wear and good gesture.
The coming time back to Beyond shall be in the hands of God.

Posted by aLiCIa fOo sImIn at 6:38 AM | Permalink | Comments